Tonight I will perform at St. Marks Church in Dagmar Spain's YELLOW IS NOT GOLD. Will I be able to replace the moments in the piece that feel amorphous with those that feel potent and compelling? At least, in the heat of the night - or was it the morning?, I had a germ of an idea. As much as I would like to share it, Daniel Nagrin once advised his choreographic students never to reveal the basic impulse for your choreography. Guard it as your secret. But the question I pose is whether the image I have is perhaps only self-serving. Lacking the toolbox of final cut pro to shape/morph/frame that image, I'm left to bumbling around in the dark room of my mind. With a video dance, one could simply show the idea, find it or create it, manipulate it. But for a live dance, the image is the impulse behind the choice of speed, shape, flow, a guide perhaps for the improvisation.
At least it's a starting point I've never given myself. This point comes from the sensation of realizing something is drastically changing, inevitably altering the bodyscape over time. Perhaps the awareness of the sensation suggests the thought which conjurs the image...but it's the image that lingers so that's the one to play upon. Then one has not only the license to be an artist, not a journalist, not a scientist proving the validity or importance of that feeling, but the challenge. What the hell...play off a hellish whiff of an impression to hint at a way to explore it.
I am the token oldster in this production. Rather fun knowing that I have the advantage of several more decades of experience dealing with tendonitis, stiff joints, grim acknowledgement of one's limitations, but also coveting one's unmitigated delight in just dancing. The altered state of dancing is timeless. But always the challenge for the performer is how to transfer that pleasure, that escape from the daily norm, to the viewer. How does one dance to heat the blood in the viewer, make them feel their breath in a singular way. Registering the mood shifts along with the physical themes seems to resonate. Found another missed opportunity to play on for tonight. Lifting one's eyelids up for the metaphorical kiss.